I only have a couple paragraphs. Im 13 and want to become an author please tell me what you think of what i wrote. Tell me what could be better Thanks in advance! —–: I havent really gotten into the climax yet though!
It all started with my mom having to go to Peru for a couple of months. She worked as an oceanographer and she had to go to study the waters and take photographs for magazine articles on water pollution.
So while she was away she would send me and my 6 year old little brother Zachary from our home in New York to our Uncle Robert’s house in Virginia. For reasons unknown, even to me, I didn’t call him Uncle Robert, just Robert. My mom had told me that Robert was wealthy, but I didn’t expect a stretch limousine to arrive outside our house to take us to the airport.
It was a snowy white. And long. Very long. Longer than any stretch limo that I had ever seen before. After Jonathan, Robert’s driver, put our bags into the back of the amazing limo, my mom, Zachary, and I climbed in. When we settled down in the seats and put our seatbelts on, I looked over at Zachary. He had the biggest smile on his face. It almost touched his ears. “This is so cool!” I heard him whisper to himself. And I have to admit, even though I don’t want to leave New York, it was pretty cool to be in a limo.
We were off. I finally looked around inside this amazing vehicle. There was two sets of seats. One by the front set of doors and another by the back doors. We were sitting in the back seats. Each set could sit about five people. There was a miniature refrigerator that had strawberries, chocolate, and all kinds of other childish snacks. The window that separated Jonathan and us rolled down. “I hope the refrigerator is stocked to your liking. Mr. Robert gave me a specific list of snack items to put in there.” He talked with an accent. It sounded British, but I’m not very good with accents so I couldn’t tell. The window rolled up slowly. There was also a drink bar. It had water bottles, cartons of orange juice and milk, juice boxes, and soda. I picked up a coke, opened it, took a sip, then set it down in one of the many cup holders.
I leaned back on the leather upholstery and closed my eyes. Even the soft country music playing couldn’t calm my nerves. I was thinking about how my dad, six years ago, had gone to Robert’s house when Robert was in the hospital because of a heart attack. My dad never came back. We got a call from Robert about a week after dad had been gone saying that dad had died in a car accident. I had always been very nervous about Robert. Not because he’s a bad person, but because my dad died when he was with him. It would be weird to be around the place where my dad’s death took place.
Now Zachary on the other hand is a different story. Mom was still pregnant with Zachary when Dad died. So he has nothing to worry about. He was as ecstatic as someone who had just been told that they have won the lottery. He was bouncing up and down in his seat and pushing some of the numerous buttons. All of a sudden a thousand tiny lights on the ceiling of the limo went on. I looked up as lights changed different colors. That was pretty cool. Zachary pushed another button and a small black t.v screen came down from the ceiling. “Sweet!” Zachary whispered.
While my brother entertained himself with pushing buttons, my mom took my hand in hers. I looked up at her. Her bright green eyes had tears in them. “I…..” My mom started. I interrupted her. “Mom it’s okay. I knew that if you could have different arrangements then you would. But you can’t. And I don’t want you to lose your job.” I already knew she was sorry for needing to have us go to Robert’s house. She knows how nervous I am with him, and so is she, and on top of that she never really liked Robert that much either. Mom laid her head against my shoulder and began to weep. Zachary looked over when he heard Mom. “Kaslyn, why is mommy crying?”
